Is water wet? The question that tears our society apart and brings nations to their knees. A question so frequently asked that I know someone is thinking it by the look in their eyes and the grin on their face as they recite an overused and unfunny joke. They mean well by inquiring about the properties of water, as they only say it in a joking manner, but they are blind to the numerous amount of times it has been spoken before them. Believing they are a clown or just wanting to spark a pointless debate are key attributes into the mind of one of these “goofs.” Yet while they may get laughs, it is pointed at them instead of their sly remark towards water. I can only sit in pain and watch as this question is asked over and over again at every social event and derailed classroom conversation.

The question of water’s “wetness” is only one of many that these philosophers ask to invoke thoughts and stupid debates over issues not even 6-year-old would care about. Questions like, “Is cereal a soup” or, “Is a hotdog a sandwich?” are just some inquiries the great-minded come up with in order to make us think just a fraction harder than we have to on a daily basis. They draw people in with these questions that are designed to spark curiosity in the simple-minded, and just like that they have an audience of people listening to them preach nonsense on the amount of holes a straw has, or whether a thumb is a finger. I plead with you not to think of these questions any more than you would a passing thought, and let them lay dormant until risen again by these troubled, power-seeking souls. Because the second you respond to that question with a “yes” or “no,” you have lost, we have lost, and humanity has lost. Don’t feed their never-ending hunger with involk outrage, instead walk away and do literally anything else. Read a book, go outside, or talk to a friend, but just don’t indulge them. It only takes one person to feed their ego, and I beg that it is not you.

I personally do not care about the physical properties of water and neither should you, as it literally does not affect us at all and could not matter less. Yet here I sit in my free time and write to you about this very question, so I only feel like it is right if I ponder this and explain my ideas. On a most basic understanding from at least 45 minutes of research, I have found that… Water itself is not wet, but it makes other materials wet when it sticks to the surface of them. That’s all there is to it. The question is over and I can comfortably move on with my life knowing that I still don’t care about water anymore than I did when I woke up this morning. And when I go to bed at night and lay my head down I still won’t care if water is wet, or what food group cereal is, and neither should you.